Sona ma

I question myself often why I write my blog. The most common answer is that it helps me connect my present with past. On a bigger scale, this means that I write for myself. This post for sure is for myself only. My aunt passed away today. 4th of February, 2016. I don't remember when was the last time that I had talked to her. I never had a fight with her. I 'm sure in my heart that she would have wanted only happiness for me. But alas! Such are human relations and the cobwebs which fabric them are too thick for me to dilute. I wish life was simple. I wish people could forgive easily. I wish we all understood that smiling and letting go is the best and the easiest thing to do. Life is difficult by its choice but it has also given us the freedom to make our own choices.

Tumi chole gele
Hoyto bohu dure
Shoto samudrer pare
ei samudra ki kore peroi?

I have very few memories of my childhood. I do not remember her scolding me much. The strange thing is I failed to know you as a person. I started becoming my own person after I left Balurghat. But even since leaving Balurghat, I do not remember interacting with her. Nine years. I grew up in this nine years. I developed my own thinking in these nine years. I stayed away from her during this time. As a person, she thus will remain unknown to me forever. I do not know how my sister is doing right now. For her, her parents are everything. I know I will always be there for her. But will she ever be able to come to me given the screwed up family we share?

I am sitting in Germany doing nothing while my family bleeds today. What achievements do we brag about? What are the gains in our lives? I grew up in her arms and then I didn't talk to her during her final years. May be I am right in not making close interactions with anyone. It is may be better to remain aloof. It is better to not let people know that you do not care. In my heart, the truth lies.
To remind me of you, I will be eating fish during the next ten days. If the customs are there to respect our loved ones, these customs should be individualistic. I loved you. You will always be my family.

Deep