The Directions And The Convergence

What if the illusion I have about life finally runs out of light? Am I ready to face myself in that situation? I guess not. I am too tired with myself. Principles, fightbacks, memories, nothing has been worth this phase. I do not want to change! All the reasons and beliefs have fallen apart. I don't expect anyone to understand me, even though I'd want someone to. Why is it that words just refuse to come out?
So many people have so much to fight for, to live. My sole reason is non-existent now.
There are too many judges in this world, too many sentries. I miss the gardeners, can't see them anywhere near my flowers. They need to be tended. I feel powerless, if only someone would lend me a little understanding!
I am happy, no doubt to have seen this beautiful world. My parents are my inspirations, my hope for peace.
There is a mild sound of silence. Is this how I was supposed to feel it? It is not pleasing, not comforting either. But it provides me with an inner eye. I don't have to self-justify, thankfully. May be this is where the principles help- where things in our control are concerned.
I don't know if I will ever marry, start a new family so that these bricks can serve as foundations. The living world I see around me doesn't enthrall me, rather it pains to be a part of it. People like me are a necessity if this race is to exist. But these words of wisdom were born to die inside the creator only. The shadows, I see! May be this is what a mother goes through when her child stops inhaling inside her womb. All that is for me to do is spread what I think is right.
I have a strange lifeline. I don't know how it used to be in my childhood. I had this habit of biting my skin as a child. So when I look at it now, I find it divided into two halves just above the base of the thumb. I wonder if it is His way of letting me find myself. 'Guess I'm lucky. :)
But it is a deep line nevertheless. Well, it suits the predictions then. My life will be controlled by the one and only Me. The funny part is this that I don't care about the directions which lie ahead. All I know is that I was born to do something different, different from what the masses do and I have a strong g.u.t. feeling that it is not about academics. Probably it is me, who is destined to search for the roots.

Family, birth, forefathers, questions, answers.

Bikel goriye jay

Amader hariye jaoa kichu katha ghore fire ashe majhe majhe. Ekhon to duto ghor. Tomar r amar. Kichu katha amar ghor ei asroy khunje peyeche, nischoi tumio karor asroy hoyecho. Bikel bela konodin o amar bhalo lageni. Sesh sesh gondho bhese berai ei samay. Amar mone ache tomai hostel e chere asha ei bikel gulo, jokhon eka eka firtam bus e; shei agarpara theke moulali. Tumi roj i bolte ami eka firbo otoduur ta tomar bhalo lage na, ami boltam amar lage. Satyi boltam. Saradin tomar sathe katano sob muhurto bari ferar path e aro ekbar shanti dito amai. Jokhon bari firtam porashuna sob late uthto amar… phone e katha hoto. Tumi ki kore porte boste ami bujhtam na. Hoyto Xavier’s e pora kalin tumi etotai ghire chile amai je anyo kichui gurutto pai ni.

Proti saptaho tomai dekhar apekkhai kat to. Shei chotto tumi. Halka haste, kokhono rag kore chup kore jete. Ami ekhono dekha hole shei bokar moto tomai hasanor chesta kori, shei jemon kortam. Nite pari na, ar jei hok, tomar chokhe jol. Parbo o na. Bhenge jai. Tai hoyto ei dekha na hoya tai bhalo. Tumi paro na nijeke samlate, keno parona jani na. Anyo ekjon ke etotai bhalobaste parle jokhon tahole keno amai dekhle ekhono nijeke sthir rakhte paro na samne asle? Phone e to bolei dao je amar janyo r kichui aboshisto nei.

Eto kichu bujhi tobu nijekei bojha holo na. Hoyto nijer bhalobasha chara anyo sob kichui bujhte pari. AJ bhoy jano kothai? Bochor 20 por nijeke khunje pai na. Tumi bolte beshi duur na bhabte sob samay. Kintu ami je duur er i basinda. Shei duur ei ghure berai. Paltano uchit ki anuchit chilo tao bujhi ni. Swapno chara bnachte aneke hoyto pare. Amar to swapno-I bastab.

Sobai amar dik theke bhebe tomar bishoy e katha bole. Keu tomar jaigai nijeke boshai na ekbar. Tomai dosh deoa khub sohoj, tomai bojha noy!

Bhalobasha khunje peye thako Jodi shetai jeno sob. Koto joner emni emni I sob furiye jai tobu bhalobaste pare na. Tumi Jodi pere thako, tobei jeno ami bhalo thakbo. Amai noy nai ba basle. Hoyto ami chilam bolei bujhte perecho kotota tumi take bhalobasho.

Bikel goriye sandhye neme elo. Ekhon ar ghor theke beronor kono pala nei.

Ek-i sohor ke kivabe chinchi notun kore ami i sudhu jani. Khub chonchol chilo ei sohor ta ek samay. Ekhon koto shanto hoye poreche. Sudhu klanti dekha jai chari dike. Ki kore eto ta palte gelo sohor ta ami bujhte pari na.  Jeno ei sohor ta amar bhetor kei represent kore. Ebhabe to kokhono bhebe dekhini age. Na, sudhu ekta ekaki bikel noy; etka boro time-span e. Proticchobi ebhabeo dekha jai.

Boro hoye jacchi bodhoi. Ei to sedin ekjon bollo ekhon r naki ager moto class e excited hoina, nijer motoi chup chap boshe thaki  (she amar sathe porto bochor dui age). Katha ta shune ektu abak hoyechilam. Evabe ki baire amar change sobar samne eshe uposthit hoyeche? Ektu bhabtei (mane khuub i alpo) dekhlam satyi amar bishaal poriborton hoyeche . Chokhe to porbei, after all ami ek samay generally centre of attraction hoye jetam karon eto beshi katha boltam. Aj katha boroi kom boli, khub i kom.

Godhuli esheche. Sudhu ei samay tai ektu pochondo kori bikel er por. Hoyto pochonder karon holo ei samay ta kkhonosthayi, hariye jai taratari. Na paoa ke khonjar madhye emni emni chotobelai hariye gechilam ajante.

Nijekeo khunjchi. Tumi ashar age theke.

The Man who teaches love

I like analyzing the stupidity of people. Make no mistake, I analyse mine too!

The current trend, which I am observing for last two-three years, is barking at big names, persons who have given their best in their respective fields and achieved love and respect. Now, in this world that we live in, both love and respect are funny concepts! People enjoy stupidity, violence, anarchy.

That is why a “Human-Being” like Salman Khan breaks box office records with films like Dabangg and Bodyguard, as well as enjoys the Bhai-status; whereas a fighter like Shah Rukh Khan is made fun of for whatever he tries.

Yes, there were movies like Om Shanti Om or Rab ne Banadi Jodi(2^nd half) where SRK didn’t do anything noteworthy but there are more than 50 examples where this man has given his best to entertain the audience! I have a question today. Do you know what it takes to get up every morning knowing you are SRK and that you have to live up to a billion expectations of the millions?

You don’t, since you have never given it a thought! You grew up watching KKHH or DDLJ but just as you got the flavour of the false intellectualism, you decided to criticize Bollywood and everything to do with it. Ah! You’ll say, “Hang on! I don’t criticize Amir Khan”. Yes, you don’t, I agree. But there is a subtle difference. Amir Khan has given us movies which belong to the real world. That, my friend becomes easy to appreciate. SRK, on the other hand has given his life to the world of fantasy, a world that does not exist (news! Amir is a failure here). Think of it. Think of the conviction with which he plays the role of a lonely person in love ( jab tak hai jaan) or a music teacher who has lost everything yet he is there to teach you how to love(Mohabbatein).

To fall in love with fantasy, you have to be in fantasy first. A man like Yash Chopra knows how to make a movie and that’s why he is what he is (yes, he lives on). Ask yourself what you seek in a movie.  As for me, I look for the good things, always have and always will. May be that’s why I have had to hear phrases like “tor bhalo laga to… tor to sob kichui bhalo lage”. I’ll tell you what I don’t like. I don’t like people who pretend. I don’t like selfishness. I don’t like superiority complex that so many of my contacts regularly suffer from.

But let me finish this with what I do like.

EVERYTHING CREATIVE.

BOND with the best!

For someone who hasn’t read Ian Fleming, for whom the first Bond film was The World is not Enough (when he was a baccha by all means), for whom Casino Royale was a brilliant film and Quantum of Solace a disaster, the latest instalment has come as nothing less than a powerful surprise!
SKYFALL , ladies and gentlemen, is a movie which never lets you rest for a continuum of two and a half hours. Thrill has a new definition, entertainment has a new mirror, style (well it always had this icon) has a re-invention and James Bond has a new director! Sam Mendes, take a thousand bows! Thank you, Sir for a new hero (new to this HP fan), grown up hero for the grown up me.
We have seen countless good-guy-chasing-the-evil-one scenes but what knocks you out is not when two superfast bikes race each other on rooftops of Turkey but how that chase ends. You’ll know what I mean if you have been a follower of the series for ten years. You know you are in for a treat as Adele gets deep into your head with the soundtrack after one of the best ever opening sequences.
The movie took its time. Well after the nonsense of Quantum of Solace, this is how one expects the Bond franchise to respond! Once Bond was all about sexy girls and sexier gadgets. Then arrived Casino Royale which interchanged sexy and sexier. Now we have Skyfall. Thankfully it’s not about Bond girl or gadget, it’s about Bond, James Bond. It’s about the lady without whom Bond has always been incomplete. It is about the Bond-baddie, the best the best the best Bond Challenger!
Javier Bardem (Silva). One and only! Who can praise his acting? He doesn’t act. He reacts! If one was awed in No Country for Old Men, SKYFALL is right up there. “Want to know what cyanide does to you?”  I may be wrong here but his escape scene to me was a tribute to The Silence of the Lambs by the director and who better than this man could have pulled it off with such ferocity, such calm, such silence.
Daniel Craig. The man knows how to raise the bar! Casino Royale, The Girl with the Dragon tattoo and now, SKYFALL, he is a gift to movie lovers all around. In democracies where people say “It’s a young man’s game”, the answer has been slapped on the screen!( I really hope my last line pisses a lot of idiots and I hope the idiots catch the drift!)
Judy Dench. M. Period.
The movie would never have had this effect if it was not for the background score. Be it a scene when 007 lands on a deserted island or when Silva breaks into MI-6 cyber intelligence Digital Fortress-style or when Bond chases Silva through the tunnels of the “greatest” imperial capital, the music is there- to keep you on the edge, to provide you with your money’s worth! But what shows you the actual genius is when Silva’s helicopter reaches SKYFALL. Watch out, keep your ears open (your eyes anyway will be!)
Finally, the cinematography! If sky ever had to fall, it had to be SKYFALL. If you have watched it already, then do it again and if you haven’t, go to the theatre, look at the sky when you hear “a storm’s coming”. You’ll anyway be glued to the screen henceforth!
I have a new hero to look up to. I am meeting him again for sure. If you haven’t till now, let me quote the most stunning dialogue from the most graceful Bond girl( yes! It of course is always about the lady)
“Take the bloody shot!”

Revolution

Rising stars of the country
Meet me each night
When I'm deeply conscious;
They speak of miseries
I see them, I talk to them,
The effect of ghosts- infectious.

Static brotherhood of tainted morality
Evolution, a merely extinct process;
I once touched the ice of humanity
And eyes of future, emotional riches;

I die, I cry, I desperately want to step aside;
I search for a way to revolve the orb called life.

House of witches,  a destination in dark
I have succumbed each time I took the path
Shadows of future and the nearby past
Crawl inside me, waiting for their turn.
I see a fallen angel, I see a defeated soldier
I see an ugly mask, I see through the heart.

I live, I smile since I have only one more chance to shine
Love and regret, no more a reason for this life.

Ray on Ray

Link to a few views of the greatest film maker I believe.

http://www.satyajitray.org/about_ray/ray_on_ray.htm

Revolving the orb called Life.

Live each day like it's your last, Tirtha. You have achieved very little in your life compared to the potential you have. You would say that you had everything for there isn't anything else you wanted other than you know what I mean. But trust me, what has happened has happened for the better. You should be happy for being the kind of person you are.I know that you realise that this incident has changed you, made you a better person. More aptly. it has given you something special. A deep vision. A vision of life. Pro-life, the word. Each second is vital. Make the best use of it. Some people refuse to live. You are not, NOT someone who gives up.
For the first time ever, you have realised what living means. It's your job to play your part. You have come here to spread happiness, the only reason for your existence. Happiness awaits you first, before you start to see others happy.
You are a winner in life. You have always been. just that you have realised it this late.But you realised none the less.
Wake up and LIVE.

...Tirthankar Banerjee( the master and the puppet)

Get Ready, Explosives on the way

Words come to me,
Leave me just the next moment
And I'm left a void
As if I'm dumb,as if I'm a begger.

Things happen to me
I don't understand;
Fire burns and ignites a soul
Feeble though; Puff! smoke and ash.

Computer, result of a deadly sin
I must have commited some life back
Vulnerable as I'm to self criticism
Lack of courage; Words come back.

No sense; if you are looking for
It's a game of creation where
You don't know what you create
And I'm a master here, I excel.

One two three: lamp-posts burning
Can't you see? Yellow evening.
Nose, Ears, oh ho! Silence Streak
And a lotion of mongoose skin.\

Jugglery; Art Gallery, Gallantry
Gay, Lesbian , lies and fantasies
I see through you, you don't read
Words, Explosives I deal in plenty.

Happy Birthday, Upamanyu Banerjee

Brother,
You have a NEVER-GIVE-UP spirit which is quite rare, I must tell you. You are intelligent, emotional and analytic.I love you and Jeet more than you guys will ever know.
It's your birthday today. I hope you are having a fantastic day.
Remember, with 20 years behind you, this is the time to gear up. Possibilities are awaiting your presence. Keep your calm, spread love and solve as much maths problems as you get. Mathematics is God's only language. Feel it. As a brother (that also only three years elder), I don't think I can give any better advice. I love you and I know you can make it big in life.
Cheers.

Deep dada.

kobita poro

Filled with hate,
hatred for myself
the demon eats me
every inch inside
My breath, not mine
The hungry eyes
are pouring ice
all over me!
I would kill myself
And be free of the burden
rage,fear, anguish
are exploding in my brain.
Mercy, love , truth
All sum up to lie
Me , to myself
Fucking dead, yet alive!
Ghosts, all around
and one inside
a needle so sharp
Not enough, burning tides.

Blanket of time

Rolls in the sky,
My dream on a flight;
Stupefied alive,
It flies from your lies.
Destiny divides,
Stars start to cry;
Forever in this life
I saw hopes born and die;

May be together,you and me
Were never meant to be;
And this blanket of dust needs
To stop falling from eternity.

I fail to analyze
What memory defines;
Documents falsified
As a coffin starts to rise;
Clocks come to time
The only word: Goodbye;
Hope that you find
Your way through the night.

The Tidal Experience

It's 6:18 a.m. Sleepless night and probably the best one of my life. Books always have immediate effects on the reader. This effect decays exponentially and hence I decided to put my experience to good use.
Not always I have come across books which have shaken me so much that I have thought of penning down my feelings. Amitav Ghosh does something in The Hungry Tide that any writer would want to achieve.
Reading the book was a journey where I was lost in love, in suffering and sometimes in past where my words only added burden to my ever increasing despair.
Who am I to review a book? This post is only about the questions inside me which have raged a war in order to come out.
What can we wish for when destiny itself conspires? It's like a game of snake and ladders, our life where even though we have the throw but we throw the die. Probability, luck, put sternly destiny.
Love, the reason for coming into being, the reason for existence, is just another throw of die. One never calculates the fractional chances of winning. It is even more dangerous in the sense that it follows the binary logic. 0 or 1.
How many times have I thought that my poems would carry my love where my words couldn't? How much have I liked to think of myself as an "intellectual"?
Therein lies the fault, the defeat,the failure of not being able to show courage!
I have never wanted a revolution but I have always been a dreamer. I dreamt of peace alone, not bothered about the path leading to it. That makes me an incomplete dreamer, I guess.
Looking at the characters, I have never been Fokir. I could have said I never had to but that wouldn't help as at some point I had to row my own boat. I faced tides but never rowed upstream.
Not Nirmal since I never had to lie to myself.
That leaves Kanai. Yes, in many ways I identify with him (May be most people do, not for me to decide).
As I said, destiny decides. I am not trying to escape anything but isn't it destiny that builds our character from the very beginning?
What exactly is then, in our hands?

Future's song

For you, for me, I write
For the next century
When hopes would rise
After mankind's demise.

Me and you are mere passengers
As sailors run to lock the doors;
Even now they haven't learnt
That it's pointless to fight any more.

You know what I mean
When I say we're done;
This race is nearing extinction
Accept and move on.

God, if only you would listen
We are crying so hard here
Where's the peace, fairytales promised?
The Sepulchre-day feels too near.

Of all I've left for my saintly mankind,
I have one true wish today;
Remove the cloth that covers your eye
Pay heed to what has just been said.

Khuchro...

যদি কথা হারিয়ে যায়

কোনো স্বপ্ন সন্ধানে ,
যেনো পথের কিছু অংশ তুমি পেরিয়েছ;

ঝুঁকি নিয়েছিলাম যেদিন, ভাবিনি

ডানা  মেলার সুযোগ এভাবে পাব;

উদাসীন নীরবতা আর কিছু স্মৃতি-পত্র ।

রাতের নিঃস্তব্ধতায় ফেরারী কল্পনা গুচ্ছ

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ফিরে তাকাতে, এক calculator , কিছু রং-চটা পাতা

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Me and my-self

Yes, I held your hand
When the busy street had its moment of silence,
I held your hand when the dark alleys
Spoke of a long thirsty redness;
You and me were together,alone forever
And even today, in a certain noiseless hostel.

What am I? Genius.Period.
Why am I writing a blog? I fucking don't know.
How does it feel to understand more than others and not being able to communicate since they won't understand? Painful?
But if they act smart and show an attitude that they know better, it feels damn annoying!
I hate the look of ignorance on their faces when they pretend to be smart. What can I do? The world is full of them. This is the pain of a learned man.
Bloody assholes.All of them.

Genii

The world has seen many genii ever since civilization set up its roots. Currently, two such luminaries have set tents in my mind.
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and Satyajit Ray.
A movie. Hirak Rajar Deshe.
A character. Sherlock Holmes.
In a certain scene from the movie, we get to see two people in their attempt to steal from a King's safe, find themselves inside a room with a real tiger. Well, how do they manage to live, even if stealing looks out of the question? They not only come out unharmed but with stolen diamonds too. How do they manage it? They sing. The tiger is hypnotized and it doesn't move.
Now imagine yourself in that situation. Say, you have been blessed with the power of hypnotizing. Will you be able to sing?
Here comes our Sherlock Holmes.
For those who have experienced the wit marathon, they may guess where I'm going with this.
The one conclusion I could derive after being Sherlocked was that the author wants us to "THINK".
Coming back to the tiger, what's your answer? Can you sing to hypnotize the tiger even if have the power?
Let me make this question a little easier. Given a gun and the power to sing, what would you choose?
Before jumping to your so-framed "obvious" answer, "THINK".
Gupi and Bagha were blessed with special powers because they were special, themselves.
When you see someone superior to you in something, what do you really do? Appreciate? Oh, remove that mask of stupidity! All you want is that person to fail. You want to see him as a failure. You want to see him as yourself. Do you know why?
Simply because you could not be him, because you don't have the fight in you. All you have is jealousy.
You want to be special, you want fame. But do you believe you are special? Are you special to yourself?
"THINK".
In case you haven't got the answer, yes, you are special, special to those who gave you birth.
So instead of worrying about the things you haven't got, do the things you should do. In quest of being special in eyes of someone else, don't lose your importance where it matters.
Why am I serving you with this?
I know stupidity has no bound. I know that you'll never know the actual answer.
So, I would rather say, I'm writing on behalf of

SH.

Run

I run when the siren dies
I run from the mysterious smiles
Hope, fear, anguish aside
I run in dreams, reality bites.

I have my words, tied in colours
I see through woods in the darkest hour
Ringing bells and smell of power
I'm too deaf for the truth is here.

Auction

Days and dreams fight for place
Inside a broken palace of spades;
Life in rewind, life in rage
Mirror smiles through canvas shades.
Hope and dignity, just as name
Coin-symphonies in auction fame ,
Behind the glass of some legalized frame,
Idea maligned through hooded shame.