Turmoil

You and me. One on One. Face Off.
What say??

Sandy stood in silence. He had waited 5 long years for this moment. He clutched his fists tightly. A light drizzle was making the only sound. Sandy looked straight at Raman.
Raman brought out the nun-chuck he always carried in his jacket. He had a mild grin that somehow betrayed his expression," see brother, you had the chance to let go."
Sandy's voice was as clear as it could have been, "Never again will I hear "brother" from anyone."

The day had come. One had to live, ONE .

"CUT!", said Ravi,the director,"fantastic guys! Take a break"
This is Ravi's story. A man of intellect, passion and pride,Ravi has started directing a short film where a few of his friends form the cast and crew.
Ravi studies some science subject in a reputed institute in India. He came to know about a short-film making competition from a newspaper ad and decided to try his talent in one of his childhood dreams.

Ravi took the script and sat in his chair. He was a little worried about the girl playing the female lead. Piya,was easily the natural choice in the looks department but Ravi wasn't sure about her depth. Even more she being his girlfriend, he was somehow finding it increasingly difficult to ask her to step down for she was equally enthusiastic about this project. So, Ravi had other things on his mind than directing the film and this was frustrating him.
He didn't want to hurt Piya but he found no other option. So, he was hoping she would take it into good spirit. In the mean time, he felt a hand on his shoulder. It was Piya.
Piya: Hey, are you alright?
Ravi: yes, of course
Piya: you don't seem to be.
Ravi: Piya, have a seat.
Piya looked at him curiously and took the chair beside him." what's the matter?"
Ravi: Please, don't misunderstand. I am having doubts about your role.
Piya kept silent.
Ravi waited for her to speak. When she didn't, he continued," look, you somehow don't fit into Ayesha's role. I know you have given your best but somewhere it's not there."
Piya was not looking at him anymore. She felt betrayed,as if the safest shelter had taken away her most prized possession. Tears appeared in her eyes but she was determined to not break down.
Ravi noticed. All he could do was to look away. He had no other word. He had thought telling Piya about what he felt would relieve him but in turn, it only added a little more burden to his chest.
Piya got up.She was about to go when Ravi caught her hand. They looked at each other. Ravi got up too,"Piya.."

"CUT!",shouted the director,"excellent Both of you! Rohit  is out performing you, Shweta!",smiled the director.

Tirthankar Words Banerjee

what is there to paint
when the brush has betrayed?
A life written through wishes
Has knelt down to questions.

Words will never be enough
To satisfy needs of millions
Mist and mist all around;
Bruises,healing themselves
in fear of solitude.

And thus runs my story
Rewinding in a chaos game
Luck,life,love somehow
Fit together in a single frame.

Passion is something I never felt
But words are what I never left
Alone in my hut, I tend to my name
I find you, sitting pretty without a blame.

jhor

Nijer poth o achena mone hoi
kothay jeno hariye jaoar bhoy
satyi mithya bichar er pala miteche
Ke jeno fireche ,ke hariyeche...

Ami to tomai chai ni
cheyechilam tomar prosroy
hothat paoa puroskar
ghore khunje fere asroy...

Bidhata ki cheyechen,ki likhechen
tumi,ami kichui ki kokhono bujhechi?
lekhar srote ki muche fela jai?
Swapno nije na holeo, dekha to satyi...

Words never mattered

If I were to love you
Once again through tides of time
If I were to feel your presence
When this world would put off all light...

I will sing along in my desolation
For the moments you belonged to me
But they are enough to spend a lifetime
Since the wounds are so deep
They will never heal.

Yet,lies motionless the unseen touch;
Speaks to me the flame of love
I may not make sense with words of heart
You knew my silence and words never mattered.

ROCKSTAR

There are books,movies,songs which touch you in a manner that words just lose meaning. Sometimes the big screen can reflect something as insignificant as our lives. May be that makes us realise the actual significance of life. The importance of some people in your life, your importance for someone else.
Rockstar is one such piece of art. This, if anyone is reading by mistake, is NOT a review. This is my space of speaking my mind and at present Rockstar engulfs my mind.
The movie is as much about rock music as I am a "communist". This is a depiction of a soul tormented by its own existence, of sacrifices which only need to be felt. It is a journey of a simple (and mind you being simple is not at all simple) boy to a person who knows the harsh realities in absolute sense. But where Rockstar triumphs is that the person understands that reality is what you choose to believe. Yes, being a sane individual, he will feel the pain of his miserable state but will find the occasional solace of living in a different world. That is where Imtiaz Ali strikes the chord.
Love, if you think too much about it, will appear to be a complicated nuisance. Actually,if you are thinking too  much, you aren't in love. The character, Jordan is as "pure" as it could have been. He just knows that the girl( who's just too loveable) is all he needs in this life.
When they are together, they are ...
What does it mean to love? There is no meaning. It really is just another world, where
                             "kaise cheenega mujhse yeh jahaan tumhe
                               tum bhi ho....kya fikar ab hume?"
these lines hold.
This is a movie on love, on inner peace( No offense Panda fans!).
Many people deserve credit for this film having such impact.
A.R.Rahman, Imtiaz Ali, Mohit Chauhan... Ranbir Kapoor( easily comparable to Aamir Khan in acting skills).
But somehow,(may be I am biased), most of the credit goes to Irshaad Kamil for the eternally blissful words.
    In our existence, we crave for certain things. But we live for our passion.
Rockstar is not a Lovely Singh or a Chammak Challo.
It, in its own right , is a blockbuster.
Isn't there a naadan parinda in each of us? Don't we all want to return to the warmth of love. Isn't love our only home?
                   In any case, if you are feeling disgusted reading all these... just remember..
      "jo bhi main..kehena chahoon...
       barbaad kare...alfaaz mere"

keu nei

r o koto poth cholte hobe?
r o koto khunjbo nijeke?
Somoy er baluchor sesh hoi krome
sob chaoa paoa mulyoheen dinante...

kichu i jeno amar na
sob paoa teo kothay jeno faki
ja chilo, ja ache sob i soman
keu nei je muche dai ankhi...

ami amar proshne klanto
jirno mon nirasroy ei shanto-chayai
bandh bhangar palai jol er bilambo
keu nei jar hridoy chui kathar dharai...

Amay Proshno Kore

lyrics and music :                SALIL CHOWDHURI
voice:                                 HEMANTA MUKHERJEE

amay prosno kore neel dhrubo tara
r koto kal ami robo disha hara
jobab kichui tar dite pari nai
sudhu poth khunje kete gelo e jibon sara...

kara jeno bhalobeshe alo jwele chilo
surjer alo tai nibhe giye chilo
nijer chayar piche
ghure ghure mori miche
ek din cheye dekhi ami tumi hara...
amay prosno kore neel dhrubo tara
r koto kal ami robo disha hara..

ami poth khunji na go
poth more khonje
mon ja bojhe na bojhe
na bujhe ta bujhi
amar chotur pashe
sob i kichu jai ashe
ami sudhu tusharito
protiheeno dhara...
amay prosno kore neel dhrubo tara
r koto kal ami robo disha hara..

A story of keys

If I had the keys
To unlock mysteries
Sixty cents a week
For a dose of History.

I don't have a name
And names end in shame
Chaos reigns in Hell
Who are we to blame?

A cup of desires in store
For the one and only whore;
The one loved from the core
Has Sun-shine along the shore...

The importance of Key-
Limits are about to flee
Singing within the tree
The Master resides in me.

U

I only wish you were here making yourself comfortable with my existence. I wish the Sun never left my world.
I don't know how to express sadness when I yearn for you. Every second takes away every other second with itself. If only me and you were seconds too.I hope to hold your hand and keep you close to my fractured soul.
You reside somewhere within me but I still search for you in the lonely campus walks. I search for those eyes during my frequent sea-visits. If only you would stare back from the other side.
I never liked rain too much and neither did you. When it rains nowadays, I want to stay close to you. I, somehow have started liking the time when the rain has stopped, when the atmosphere remains dull. I feel it shows my reflection rather it reflects my inner being. If only you are by my side the next time it rains, I would like to fall asleep in your lap.
I don't know if I ever make any sense with my words but I feel it reaches you most of the time.
What do you mean to me? I ask myself again and again.
I wish I had the answer.

Forever yours.

tick .. tick .. tick...

existence... morality..
tick tick tick... stability
i hear the noise
of crunching coins;
and i dream of grim
with an ice-cream.


jumble...rumble..fumble
I mix my words and gamble.
The wall has got a coating
And wishes are just floating
Sun's playing the violin
Supernovae are crumbling.

Wish I didn't see you
Yes, you are the G*ndu;
 but let me play some music
as the master sleeps in Zurich
a bottle of wine,a bottle of pain
what's your choice?fame or brain?

Bhikya

bole dada " tor mon ti valo
ki boli r toke?
na hole tui bhai ti amar
ditam cha gha pithe;
hawa lagiye epar opar
bheshe beras aj-o;
bolo na dekhi hotocchara
kon kaj ti paro?"

"Ami na hoy parina kichu
tumi ba ki karo?
Din raat sudhu jhola duliye
Bhikhya chaite paro.
se tomai chereche to
amai kano boko?
nari manei bhalobasha
thorai tumi bojho"

matha chapre dada bole
"shono cheler katha
ei din ti dekhbo bolei
holem ki tor dada?
bolchi toke eto kore
bujhis ne je kano?
dhukle se meye ei bhite te
mor matha hobe je nato!"

"hai hai dada e ki balo?
eto swartho tomar?
bhai er khusi ektu dekho
na hoye andho abar..
se amake bhalobashe
r amio bashi take
mithye jato natok tomar
Jai na kano bhege?"

"Bujhbi na tui murkho baro
thekai pore shikhbi,
tokhon jodi kandte ashis
chorabo.mor dibbi;
                 ja chute ja, kor ge biye
                 bhabish na r kauke niye
                 chokh ta jodi rakhis khule
                 til pabi tar pet-er dhare"

"Bujhiye dile dada tumi
Sanyashi-o kamon bhogi
hole kar kache je aporadhi;
E pap-er bojha baddo bhari
                bichar sabha nai boshuk
                tomai sudhu ei ta boli
                se sob-i boleche amai
                sob kirti-i ami jani....
swartho chara bhabte jodi
harate na sob kokhono tumi
Sesh katha ta shono boli
sudhu Bhalobashar bhikhya mani"

negative, yet you . .

Negatives are all I have
   All that is left of you....
A few burns, a shrill voice
And the silence of death...
    All you have left in me
Are negatives; Love and Innocence.

I wonder at times how it feels
       To be without me.. rather myself
I wonder what it means to you
    Smile; Distraction; a hanging line.
Yet a touch, little too divine
   Only Commandment: Self-Destruct.

What is a photograph, my dear?
Is it a reflection or a creation?


Yes, there are negatives;
     Negatives of life; shades
 A little too bright; what
    About memories of midnight,
Flashing in future
    Sketched together in dim-light?

Schizophrenic's Diary....

How can someone become famous? Do you dream of becoming famous?Well, what does it mean to become famous?
Albert Einstein is still famous, so is Isaac Newton. But what about Tirthankar Banerjee?
Is he famous? Was he ever ? Will he ever be? Does he care?
As far as the truth is concerned, he won't mind becoming a man people look up to and admire. But is that synonymous to becoming famous? May be it is, may be it isn't.
Me, being the closest to him, feel that he is quite a character. Yes, he is talked about in various circles, he is admired by a few of his juniors and he is also admired sometimes by his teachers.
The question is , does he know about all these?
Again, being the closest,I have the answer. But I'm not going to tell you that as I certainly have high regards for your level of understanding.
What I still can't figure out is what he actually wants to achieve? He would say that he doesn't care about being called "friendly". He would say that he never fakes his feelings for anyone. True, though the previous sentence is, yet I feel he indeed cares about what others think of him.
I think, he believes that he is never understood by anyone. But I want to ask him, how many people around him does he understand? No one. But his attitude is that of an all-knowledgeable person and he will just laugh at this question.
Moving on, he doesn't care about money. Yes, he needs some amount to lead his life, but his needs are too few and the best part is that he is quite happy and content.
He surely does care about love. I mean, he is a person who just can't live without either loving or being loved. Yet, he comes across as an ass-hole who likes to poke people for no solid reason.
Yes, trust me, he is a jack-ass! Who better than me can know this?
12 hours from now, he has Advanced Stat Phys. exam which he has hardly studied but he is more interested in sharing an absolute non-sense piece of literature with the so-called reading-fraternity.
He drives me crazy.
Just tell me who is to be blamed when he performs poorly (as usual ) in his exam?
Ask him and he will say, " The Indian Education System".
What the hell!
I know that the course is running well but still he will find excuses.
He always has reasons for everything. I mean , Fuck!!
He has already called this a piece of "literature". ha! Can you believe?!?!
Ask him and he will say, " Can you define literature for me?"
How do I know this? ha ha..
keep wondering..as Feynman said...
dhus sala.. forget Feynman( he is too great to be mentioned in this pathetic post)
as Tirthankar said..

" ..I.."

KonkaL

sahosro ratri seshe
      aj path misheche sagar pare
ami pathik;amar ghum
       polatak mithya ayojone:
chirodin cholechi chironidrar khonje
abhiman,akankha,paona mulyoheen
               chora jibon-srote....

keu nei, ei path sudhu amar,
amar-i konkal
tar nijer chaya dekhe hashe;
ke bollo eka?keu to ache...

Hothat konkal bollo,
"Ami...ami i satyo
ei kholosh tumi no-o,
jedin ami thakbo na, jeno
kholosh er adaal hobe mukto!"

Ami cheye roilam
         samne keboli samudra
deergho, gondiheen rahoshyo
          buke agle amar dike cheye ache;
ami bole uthlam,
"tumi to kholosh matro
tomar o nischoi konkal ache
               Dako take.."

se bollo parbe na
    bujhlam...
nona jal-e kheye geche
      matha narlam
path chola sesh
       Amar konkal jiteche.

Dead Man Speaking

Is this your dream?

Then live it extreme

The world in itself is hallucinating

Why move another inch?

Why die while the fight’s still obscene?

Do you fear to lose again?

Tell me how it feels to win a game

Tell me how to desire and end in shame

Tell me whatever for the excuses are lame

Yet I ask, can you hear the siren?

Hush,” Silence”, said the other man

Are you asking me “which man?” Don’t you know?

Oh, please. The same man who is beside you and beside me. Always. He is staring at everything that is happening to you. But he behaves like he doesn’t care. Oooo he has that attitude…”I-just-know-too-much.” He will have that smile on his lips which is a way of saying ,’hey brother, how stupid your comments are!’

But trust me, he is listening to every word you are uttering. He is thinking much more about you than you actually are about yourself. He believes that he is a thinker and how much he prides himself on that! ha ha.

He has his own vision of this world. But don’t be mistaken! He is rather clever. He knows how this world functions. He will come to you when you feel low and say “yeah even I have the same problems” but it’s too late when you realize he never had those problems. So why does he lie? Not to make you any weaker, you already are at your worst and hence seek consolation. He lies so that you don’t feel the urge to push the demons, so that you don’t try to become any stronger which you are absolutely capable of.

It haunts you when you have finally known this man but invariably it’s a little too late every time. It is even more painful when others will ask you to learn from that man how to succeed. They will think he’s a genius of some sort.

 Have you realized who the man is? You must have. It’s you I was talking about.

                            Dust is what I’m made of

                            Layers within and outside

                            But this dust is too thick

                            A ghost, hungry and juvenile.

                            I see where it comes from

                            I see the shadows of life

                             Aha there are so many

                             So many wannabe parasites.

                             Yes, you know, you are dirty

                             What can you possibly hide from me?

Hope you enjoyed your biography.

Autograph…

just another evening

My life, my hands, my neck, my breath
Today I feel they 're all so fake..
What comes, follows from destiny
But what I feel is loss of mutiny.

So I leave it all and walk away
For I'm too tired to sing again.
You are,you were,you will be fine
Just I will glide through tides of time.

Surprises and presents don't come anymore.
They have gone too far to head back home.
I have failed to read the signs
So way in heaven may we unite..

You're old,you're young, you're me,you're you;
All of world, everywhere is filled with you!
Sun will rise and set sometime
And Time is only what I share with you.

p.s. :
Too hard to live in a make-believe world
Too hard to sing along in chorus
Too easy to accept and move along
But it's too hard to be who you are...just too hard to be.

Of Physics and Physics Alone..

What is the importance of a summer project for a PG student in physics? Well , apparently this has become the most important question in my life currently. I am one of those thousands of aspiring researchers who want to contribute to the most amazing subject but finds his path broken at every single step.
For anyone who is reading this, I am Tirthankar Banerjee, doing my master's at IIT Madras. I have done my graduation from St. Xavier's college, kolkata which nowadays absolutely sucks(even though the leading magazines rate it as one of the best in India).
This post is going to be about my physics journey...a voyage that started with a dream, faced so many storms, the sails were torn, yet it's a journey that's ON.
It may be funny that I heard the term ASTROPHYSICS before PHYSICS(although the meaning was made clear to me within the next few minutes). I was most probably in my fourth standard and I "wanted to know". At that stage all that crossed my mind were the small lights in the night sky. My father familiarised me with different constellations and I remember us sitting on the roof nearly every night after dinner. Somewhere during that time I asked my father, "where do these come from?" and thus came about the question which will always make me a believer, " where did the first thing in the universe come from?" or what is the source of everything?
Strangely enough my teachers( back in my hometown, balurghat)  liked me. I was never a serious-in-studies kid. I liked all my subjects during my secondary. Nothing ever bored me and it was an uneventful transition to higher secondary.
This is where the CBSE effect comes in. I was extremely lucky to have two brilliiant textbooks in physics(NCERT) in std. 11th and 12th. This was a very funny period of my life. This is the time when wellwishers come in with the idea that one must study engineering to survive in this world. I wanted to study in IIT but it was quite clear to me and my parents that if I make it, I would study physics and NOT engineering. Well, you may ask why should anyone aim like that? There are so many colleges in India, so why go to IIT to study "physics"?
reasons: 1> I had no idea back in balurghat other than knowing the names of few colleges in Delhi and Kolkata.
2>The fact that IIT-JEE(which incidentally lots of students are sitting for today- 10th april) is so hard to crack pulled me even closer to it.
Anyway, I couldn't make it to IIT after my 12th but there was one thing which was clear by the end of my school life. For me it had be physics and physics only.
Thankfully I had good marks in both physics and maths( now I know what marks mean in India, unfortunately) and got the college of my "the-then" preferrence:
ST. XAVIER'S COLLEGE(AUTONOMOUS),KOLKATA.
Well, this autonomy business in that college is such a joke :). In India physics is dominated(at least in number) by bengalis. What I saw in my college(and now I know in others too) was a system that was harsh on anyone who talked about change.There were pathetic people who would mug (i repeat "mug", not study) all day to get good marks in exams( but there were EXCELLENT students too, arpan bhattacharya,chitrak bhadra,somesankar,being a few among them).So God save Indian physics in future. In our autonomous college, you stand against the system and you face the consequences. I wondered what I would get with 67-68% where there were so many with  more than 80%.Moreover, most of the people who were "good"( as their marks were), didn't even learn the subject. What gives me the right to talk like this,right? I can because I am honest. I was honest to my dream,to the subject and to myself. So please understand before questioning me.
15th March,2010 - TIFR written exam results were out and my name appeared on the list. I wasn't good enough to study at tifr and have no regret for not getting through at the end. But being selected for interview brought back all the dreams and confidence those had left me in my college life.
I knew by then that I would at least make it to an IIT and I actually did.
So the boy who wanted to study physics at IIT once is now actually doing it. But there's a huge difference in being a PG student and an UG student at IIT.
It is  still way better than all those universities which do nothing but destroy at least 80% of country's talent every year.
My UG marks have still stood strong to block my path where summer projects are concerned. Yet, I hope that I'll do some good work during summer.
It is such a long journey ahead but I'm not and was never afraid, I've  always had the passion(even in dark days of xavier's).
Indian system of judging students through marks is ugly but (...it requires a separate line. ;) )
                                                  Physics is Beautiful.

signing off,
Dreamer.

voice

Wherever I go, I see facets all around me. The same people who complain about bad teaching go on bitching about good professors. They will fight with a rickshaw puller over one rupee but will spend hundreds per month on cigarettes.  “Some pose as very good friends and then stab you in the back.” The reason I used quotation is the following: anyone who thinks it applies to me, you can think so for the rest of your life for I don’t care. People who talk about change in political system in front of the camera ,votes against it when the Indian Postal Service reaches their respective houses with a big grin. Two bald idiots talk complete trash on national television and people go crazy over them! I mean come on! GET A LIFE! Indian media praises Chak de India to be one of the best Hindi films ever made only for me to realize (thanks to my friend, Some) that it was a copy of Miracle (2004). So the person you admire falls so low in just an instant. I get confused to talk about reality because reality doesn’t exist.

I spent three valuable years of my life criticizing St. Xavier’s College. Now I feel that I had no one to tell me:“shut up and do your job. You are here to study. How much have you taken care of that?”

There are some serious issues which shape the world around us and these are the issues which are being misused in every possible way for personal gains.

1: INFEDELITY

2: GENDER (IN)EQUALITY

3: EDUCATION SYSTEM

4: PATIENCE .

1) It’s very simple for people to hop from one place to another . Whatever be your philosophy in life ,I hope you don’t want to get used. It goes for both the genders. So those who like to have multiple relationships at the same time I hope you are reading this. The people whom you are using are not losing anything but you are. I won’t say what because every circle has tangents associated with it.

2) Ah! Don’t you know it’s fashionable to say that men and women are on the same foot? Come on. You must be supporting the same philosophy, right? WRONG! Don’t pretend and accept the truth ( NOT to the world but to yourself). Men AND Women are different in any possible way that can be! The fact that both can do office work, run countries, solve equations is just the layer of what actually lies beneath. What makes them different are the ways they implement their ideas, skills, talents in doing what they have been assigned to do. This difference is the only thing that separates two worlds; it comes with birth and can never vanish. If you really talk about equality, bring it in every field. REMOVE all reservations. SC,ST,OBC, 33%(for women), minority, CRAP, CRAP  and so please SCRAP these from constitution.

3)REDUCE the pressure! There is no need for a student of 7^th standard to study eight subjects. Stop judging kids based on board results. Be interactive. Help them learn. I had teachers in my school who would lecture me about inefficiency of “bookish” knowledge but would cut my answers if the sentence hadn’t matched with the text books. We need right people at right places . Stop politics from infiltrating campuses. Either make B.Sc a four year degree course or M.Sc a three year one. Give us time. For all those idiots who say to students , “what are you doing in this stream? Go somewhere else”,I feel sorry. It merely reflects their inability to motivate. When someone becomes a teacher, he has to teach himself first. That, by no means is easy.

4) This is what we are losing and this is exactly what others are making use of. But it is a diverging process. From the grocery shop to the Parliament, dishonesty has set up a dynasty. This has to crumble. Who says that you need to be good? Well, I know the answer! It’s you and you alone who tell yourself to pretend to be good----“I have to be good in everyone’s eyes, I have to behave properly in front of that man but later I can talk trash, I need to maintain a neutral temperature with people, I should analyze all and then manipulate them, I can just make ten people dance to my wishes; I will, I have to, I need, I should, if only I can”

and I say “BURN AND LET ME SEE YOU FEEL THE PAIN YOU CAUSE”.

Time and Past

I search for a hole in the wall

And I hope to land on my past,

The stage where we played

The life that wasn’t to last

And I keep falling back in time

In the thought that won’t let me cry

The only thing in between us…

Nothing but a very thin line.

se asbe tai...

govir kuasha kete tumi asbe tai
somoy klanti vule jai..
jibon rekhar proti ti konai
tuli eshe rong diye jai..
nidrar seshe dak pabe tai
aponai chokh buje jai...

swapno?

se to r amai chene na!

satyi?

se naam e to aj kichu hoi na!

sohure baatash jei legeche buke,

'santona' sobdo je soi na..

kobitar khanje keu jibon hatrai

jiboner proti raat e icche ankrai

iccher samudra katoi santrai;

digonto rekha adou bodlai?

      jodio tumi asbe tai..

      kancha path aj o benke jai...